Perception has become a close friend of mine whilst Helen and me have tried to mend me: Assumption is a close relative of Perception and invariably follows her everywhere. Unfortunately Perception tends to be misled by Assumption and Perception has learned to ignore her more truthful cousin, Instinct.
The Human Bean (deliberate spelling) is first born with innate Perception granted through primitive ancestors. Smell, sound and touch instinctively granted allows the infant to seek nourishment and comfort. The giver of nourishment and comfort is also instinctively programmed to give what is sought, if the infant is lucky. Sometimes, however, the givers' instinct is corrupted and denied. Such denial carries devastating results and colours the growing infant's reading of it's world and the Beans in it. So as you teach, they learn; so as they learn, they teach.
Allow me to demonstrate using one of my favourite tools: a 'What If'.
What if you see the following scene:
Harassed mother, one toddler walking and one child riding in buggy are outside a shop. A cursory glance from Assumption tells Perception the group is well dressed, thriving and in need of no concern. Instinct has spotted the crusted layer of mucus on the top lip of the child in the buggy; and the tear stained trail on the face of the toddler. Instinct has also noted the hard edges of the Mother who has dressed for attention rather than comfort. Instinct is braced for what happens next.
Having terminated the phone call she was on, Mother looks down as the feet of the toddler and screams as she slaps him across the back of his head: 'You f***ing stupid boy, three years old and you still can't tie your f***ing shoe laces!' Further tears follow the route already laid on the boy's face. Struggle as he might to correct his mistake, he is not quick enough and suffers further blows and unpleasant curses whilst his Mother roughly completes the task.
So as you teach ...: What has our boy been taught? He has been taught that doing something wrong will result in him being hurt physically: that his error will result in the withdrawal of care and dignity; that if you do something that offends someone else it is acceptable to assault and insult for the offence. Even our child in the buggy is having their Perception altered: that child has seen, by demonstration, how not to anger the provider of care.
The template given to both these children will help to govern the way they function in society. One child may simply retreat into not trying to achieve at all in order not to take the risk of having anger showered upon them; the other child may strive beyond need for perfection in order to ward off any possible threat of painful sanction. In any event both children are damaged and ... so they learn. Years down the lane the younger child is a skilled expert at deflection, the older child has simply learnt that not only it is easier not to strive but it is perfectly acceptable to knock seven kinds of sh*t out of someone who offends. So when the classroom teacher leans over the desk and hisses at the boy that he is stupid, the boy knows that thumping the sneering face is appropriate.
My 'What If ' too fanciful for you? Not so. The incident is real; it happened 40 years ago and was witnessed by the writer. I continue to see examples of the teaching and learning manifested daily.
To those who have care and control of children, I beg you, consider the templates you give them. As you teach so they will learn; as they learn so they will teach. That little old bag lady in the city with the ulcerated legs smelling of pee ...... what template was she given for self worth? The old man cowering in terror behind his curtain afraid to open the door to his son ..... In his youth, and in drink, he terrorised his own children with his tongue and his fists . The damage he inflicted on his own son haunts him in his ailing years.
The gift of a child is beyond price: every action you take, every word you use weaves a living blanket that they wrap around themselves as they walk into their futures. You cannot see what you are creating as you create it. Evidence only becomes clear as they grow and develop. Take great care of your precious gifts. Allow Perception to be guided by Assumption by all means: every picture does indeed tell a story. BUT allow Instinct to have an equal say so that a balance is struck. Judging a book by its cover only makes sense when you have investigated what lies within.
Love and Peace
THE Purple Fairy <3 xxx
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