Unresolved anger is an unattractive thing in anyone. Impotent anger is equally unappetising but sometimes, just sometimes, you just want to be as mad as hell! It has gone midnight; I am recovering, again, from being seriously ill, I am exhausted, again and, yet again, I am afraid.
On a personal level I am incredibly lucky and count my blessings everyday, truly I do! My love for my framily and friends remains undiminished and is returned to me in spades. The Angels of Hope and Protection remain with me despite my inability to assist myself at times; without the love and support of some very special people, I would be truly lost.
My anger, however, lies subsumed mostly. Occasionally it breaches the surface and burst forth unrestrained and vicious. Incapable of imposing physical harm I find my escape through words. I want to have a row! I want to have an argument! I want to scream and shout at how bloody rotten the inhabitants of this rocky sphere can and will be. My Boy Cat will not argue with me; my Girl Cat simply tells me to 'calm down dear', my budgie asks me where his food is and my beloved hound says 'It's okay Mum, you can shout at me, I won't mind.' as her ears flatten to her head and her eyes adopt the 'please don't beat me' look. Grrrrrrrrr I want to be angry! I want to be vexed! I want to smash crockery! I want to yell and scream and tell that patronising government official that they do not need to speak to me slowly and loudly. I want to have a trantrum! I want to behave like a spolit brat, stamp my feet and scream 'Sharn't' at whoever is telling me what to do.
What has brought this paragon of Hippiedom to this state? Sigh - I'm not sure. I have achieved what I set out to achieve today, well at least partially. I have provided for those who depend upon me. I have faced one of my major fears with honesty and reveived the sanction I required. I have attempted to restore some harmony on domestic issues but then I have heard the news too. So Libya is next then. A UN resolution blah blah blah. We drank his health; we provided his regime with what it required; we forgave him Yvonne's blood and we asked our chums to support his reintegration into the 'civilised' world. Was it because we admired his manly demeanor or his willingess to use females to protect him? Did these little funny ways make us laugh girlishly at his antics? No. As usual, we accommodated him whilst it suited us. We have watched as one Arab state after another woke up to life beyond their tented horizons with the aid of Western Technology. But what a beast we have awoken!
Our young will pay the price, again, for our greed. Our young will and are always mortgaged for our self prostitution to the purveyors of oil and wealth. It is a little late now for the so called civilised world to be awakening to the 'yooman' rights of opressed people. They were alway oppressed, we just forgot to tell them. God help us all.
I am now spent, too tired to continue the rage so I shall retreat to the duvet with the dog and the cats and hold them a little closer tonight.
Love and peace
THE Purple Fairy xxx
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