Oh what I'd give to be Pollyanna instead of a sort of Pandora! I seem to have forgotten the words and tune to my chosen National Anthem : 'Always Look on the bright side of life'. Strangely, as I typed those words two magnificent Magpies flew into the Ash tree growing in the dyke on the opposite side of my road and my heart lurched upwards momentarily.
PMA: Positive Mental Attitude. I even created a informal group some years ago with then workmates who were severely downtrodden and mistreated by the employer: think characters from Dickens: Thomas Gradgrind partnered with Scrooge with a dash of Uriah Heep. Both girls had worked for so many years with the two they mutely accepted the working conditions. Despite one of the partners being mid 40's he regularly scolded three grown women for a) laughing (specially if they had not shared the joke with him) b) talking instead of typing c) not being at the individual workstations during working hours. (He would listen out for a lull in the sound of a keyboard being bashed and come out of his office to enquire as to the whereabouts of an individual. It didn't take me long to figure out the best way to make him scuttle back to his room was to suggest that she was in the toilet and may have 'wimmen's problems'. All that was missing was the actual whip and the high chair where the workers could be overseen. I had arrived in town after my decades in London working with and for people who encouraged original thought; accepted that it was possible for a woman to use her hands and speak at the same time and did not feel it necessary to impose timed toilet breaks. I was stunned: at the management attitude and at the mute acceptance. So me and my new fangled ideas stirred the pot and every Friday night we would meet and go through the week dissecting what had happened and looking for the positive in each of the negatives. I offered visualisation strategies to them to help them in pricking the pompousness of each of the partners; I encouraged them to laugh and reminded them of their status. Gradually I whittled away at ten years of servile attitude - both were 'grateful' for being employed for differing reasons and horror of horrors, I organised a meeting between the partners and the workers. It had never been done! No-one had ever challenged the status quo and the real fear expressed by both my colleagues ranged from being sacked to being sent to Coventry. Eventually, having persuaded both sides to meet (after work hours of course!) with me acting as facilitator, we had a frank exchange of views. The most Dickensian of the two kept trying to highjack the meeting, reassert his status and dismiss any concerns being raised as 'none of your concern, matters for those with managerial responsibility only' but me and my chums were doggedly determined and ploughed ahead and outwitted him. The other two girls grew in confidence as the meeting progressed and we had been well prepared. So when it came to offering alternatives to existing practices, the senior partner started to accept some of the suggestions. The junior partner became deflated and thereafter took little part in the proceedings. But we had achieved what we'd set out to achieve: the girls were no longer meekly accepting of the Dickensian management style and the partners realised that we, the workers, did have value and they they needed us just as much (if not more) than we needed them.
What was the point of that anecdote? It illustrates that I am (or was) capable of being positive but am finding this last year of my fifth decade really, really hard to deal with. The brick walls just seem to get thicker and higher and more complex. I had a chasing letter from Atos - the contractors for the DWP - today. Funnily enough I had already been nightmaring about the fact that I had probably missed the deadline for submitting the 20 page form. Double checking today the form has to be returned by the 17th of May. But the letter I received today dated 1st May is designed to put the wind up me. And it worked. Firstly the envelope: I cannot tell whether it has been sent by first or second class and it carries the endorsement in large, emboldened print 'Important information This is Not a Circular'. The letter itself reminds me that they sent the form to me on the 31st of March and that they have not received the completed form. In bold text I am reminded that I must return it by the 17th of May. To add to the imperativeness of my compliance with their request, I am further reminded that if I fail to do so, then my benefit may be affected. So I set to this afternoon and started to complete the form. As I did so, I realised they already had the information they wanted, they had the original of my GP's recommendation and I struggled to find new ways of explaining my symptoms. One thing I have discovered is that not all government departments use English in the same way as each other, never mind in the same way as me! I have also discovered that they don't do maths in the same way as others either.
According to law the minimum income I require to live on is £9.35 per day which is £289.85 per 31 day calendar month. Accounting only for coal, wood, insurances and council tax my monthly expenditure is £309.15 representing a deficit of £19.15 per month. I can't bear to consider the calculations for mortgage, utilities, medicines, clothing, food, pet food, petrol etc etc etc. Is there any wonder Mr WorryWorm is fat and in rude health just now? Or that the Sleep Fairy evades my clutches? Or that Mr Motivator's lycra appears to have perished? On the positive side I know I can get through the rest of today: I have been fed and watered and my animals will be fine too. I have learned to barter and am no longer embarrassed at the till to ask the assistant to deduct an item or items from my meagre shopping basket because I am 16p short. I have also learnt to scour the stores at the right time of day (between 15.00 and 16.00 since you ask) for the 'must get rid of today items' and examine closely the price of everything. I was listening to Lady Jenkin, a Peeress, today who is taking part in the Restless Development initiative by living on food this week to the value of £1.00 per day to raise awareness on extreme poverty in the third world. She's right you COULD live on £1.00's worth of food per day.
I've taken to costing out the food that I eat, although I haven't managed to work out the calculations for the collection, preparation, storage or cooking costs. Today, I think I have spent about £2.34 on food alone. Going back to the legal amount I need to live on per day, remember? it was £9.35 per day: so from today's daily allowance I have a remainder of £7.01 with which to fund all other expenses. My mind has turned already to possible sources of fuel lurking in my garage as my wood stocks have depleted and cannot be replenished until, maybe, the middle of the month. I have also thought of other means to raise funds; most have been discarded on either moral, health or sheer inability grounds. Tomorrow I am scheduled to work for a little while using some precious petrol: I will earn around £12.21 for one and a half hour's work. I shall have to declare those earnings to both the DWP and to the local Council so that they can re-adjust the benefit I receive, because I will have earned about £2.86 above the daily legal amount they tell me I need to live on.
I KNOW there are people worse off than me: I know that all WILL be well; but I also know that this evening, I am low and the only thing that has not escaped from my very own Pandora's Box is hope.
Take care and watch those pennies!!!!
Love and Peace
THE Purple Fairy xxx
PLEASE tell me that you have professional help filling in that dratted form! CAB, DIAL, any organization which helps deal with benefits claims and appeals... They are not looking for how many inventive ways you can find to describe the same thing. They are inventing creative ways of asking the same question but looking for consistency in your answers. If you need more time to complete the form, because you need someone to help you with it, for example, you are perfectly entitled to ask for that extra time, giving a reason for your request. It might hold up your claim for a couple of weeks but when you're successful the money due should be backdated anyway. And going back through their files for copies of info you've already sent seems to be completely beyond the abilities of the DWP and/or ATOS. So photocopy it all again. Please, dearest darling Purple Fairy, don't try to do this all by yourself!
ReplyDeleteOh, and yes. £1 per day per person for food would have people living very well in many parts of the world but here? Keep it up for long and you'd end up in hospital, unless you could dedicate yourself full time to growing and foraging veg etc., to add to the rice and chick-peas - which you wouldn't have been able to afford to bulk-buy in the first place. Unless someone can show me the shop that'll sell me a cup of chickpeas/lentils and a bowl of rice ;)
xJ