Deference: Where did it go....?

I really am not sure how I feel about the upcoming nuptials of Miss Katherine Thingie and Prince William of Wotsit.  I am mindful that 30 years ago I was caught up in the wave of emotion and happiness of the Prince's Mother and Father's own nuptials.  So much so that I encouraged Beloved Son and Heir - aged 6 - in his wish to marry his then girlfriend, Lavinia, in a charming ceremony in our council flat in Shepherds Bush where we had our own royal wedding party.  I have the picture somewhere buried in one of my photograph albums.

I also got swept up in the horror, sentimentality, and sheer grief at the death of Prince William's mother.  Coincidentally we were enjoying a party at our house in Hertfordshire and the party goers, across the generations (with one infamous exception) watched in stunned silence save for the pouring of tears and gentle sobs of disbelief.  How on earth was this possible?  Someone so beautiful, so kind, so popular wiped out in such mundane circumstances.  I don't know that we ever foresaw any suitable death for Diana, indeed most of us with gentle hearts did indeed hope she would go into exile somewhere where she would be appreciated - the States perhaps - or even Paris maybe?  As it was her fate was to end up being killed by the curiosity that haunted her.  We were all responsible.  Not just the reptiles who pursued her with their long lenses but we, the Great British Public and beyond who vicariously enjoyed every snippet, every piece of filthy tittle tattle - true or false - was consumed as we greedily asked for more. 

Some of you will say 'Pah!':  she played her own media game and indeed she did.  Anyone who has ever been bullied, and yes I have, will try at least once to appease the bully; ingratiate themselves by playing the same game but alas the only way to deal with any bully is to say as loudly, as publicly and as often as necessary 'Piss Off!'  Or as Princess Anne would have had it 'Piss Orf'.  I minded to recall that 30 years ago when Diana,  walked down the aisle to meet the Prince of Wales she was a 19 year old girl in love with her prince.  An innocent;  an ingenue thrust into the centre of a rarefied society she had only ever experienced on the fringes.  Any of us who have ever experienced being the 'new girl (or boy!)' knows that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach when you start a new project or job or join a new society.  Experience also tells me that in any new  venture you need a good six months to get your head around the technical aspects, the politics - both big p and little p - the rules, the unwritten rules, the social structure - who's grooming whom in the tribe or pack, and, to identify your allies and your nenamies.  Imagine that magnified with the aid of fishbowl lenses and the knowledge that every aspect of your self presentation is scrutinised by blemish, by error or by success.  What an awful bloody life!!!  I get irritable when people drive past and insist on looking in through my Hive window!

Then there came the funeral:  my heart ached as I watched the two young Princes walking somberly behind her coffin;  their floral tribute reduced me to uncontrollable sobs and I rallied with fierce admiration when her brother gave his extraordinary speech from the lectern and then, oh my goodness!  there was clapping from the congregation and the onlookers.  Never before had our masters and betters witnessed such defiant yet honourable salutation.  Gradually the grief lessened and turned to white hot anger, particularly when the reptiles, gossip mongers, liars and the wretched Paul Burrell milked her corpse.  They continued to pursue her beyond the veil.   That is when the deference within me, that which had been force fed to me with my mother's milk, died.

As I have aged I have become less and less deferential of my elders and betters:  they know no more or no less than I do; they have the same bodily functions as I have and I no longer feel the need to tug my forelock in the presence of grandness.

As for Kate and Wills?  Well I wish them no harm whatsoever.  I am utterly bored to death with the hype the forced joviality, the attempt to dissuade me from the harsh realities of my world as it is today.  I wish them only joy, happiness and most of all I wish them strength because they are going to bloody well need it!!!  Good luck to them!

Take care of each other
Love and Peace
THE Purple Fairy xxx